Badger predicts Sepang
by Craig Normansell with others, on Apr 6th, 2011Welcome to the Scrutineering Bay, a collection of all things opinionated. No topic is safe from srutineering when there's a bunch of Badger writers around! After the highs and lows of Albert Park - we mean you Sauber - the F1 circus rolls up in hot Malaysia for round two. So, what better question can we ask than;
"What will happen in Sepang?"
Each week, a plethera of Badgers take the proposed question and put a spin on it in their own way. This time around, we have myself Craig Normansell, Red Andy, and first to predict the race, Benson Jammichello:
- McLaren will disappoint after exceeding expectations in Australia.
- Lewis Hamilton's teeth will still cause me some alarm. Also, as a complete aside, is it any coincidence that since getting himself a "proper" manager, the "Hamilton to Red Bull" rumours won't go away? A new (and improved) McLaren contract in the offing, anyone?
- Hispania, were they to qualify (which they won't), would gain the dubious distinction of being passed on the first lap.
- The Red Bulls will be closer to the pack in both qualifying and the race.
- Massa will continue to disappoint. Actually, scratch that - that implies there are expectations above that. He will continue to chase Alonso's shadow, not very successfully.
- The Sauber's will impress again and, this time, might not even be disqualified.
- Force India won't be any good. At all.
- In contrast to Australia, I might actually be awake when the cars are on track.
- It will be dark by the end of the race. Drivers will complain.
- The adjustable rear wings will work a lot better than in Australia. It will still seem contrived.
A feast of predictions from Benson there. Will any, if not all, come true though? If they do, you can be sure that Benson will cover everything, and more, in Hot Rod/Hot Dog after every race!
The next participant is the returning Red Andy:
In Sepang the teams will now race
Red Bull with the ultimate pace
Which others will score?
I don't know, but "for sure"
Hispania will have egg on their face.
A brief but brilliant entry from Andy there. Can anyone really argue with that limerick? Don't forget, you can read the Runoff Area, Red Andy's satirical take on all things F1.
Lastly, I weigh in with my thoughts on Sunday's race:
- There will be up to four pitstops for many drivers. Mainly due to the torrential downpour that is bound to happen.
- Hispania will qualify only one car. Bold to say I know, but they won't make the grid thanks to Malaysian customs.
- A Mercedes will take out a Williams to return the favour from Australia.
- It will rain.
- It will be bloody hot.
- Nick Heidfeld and Vitaly Petrov will not only be very warm in their golden race suits, but will also look like a pair of plums.
- Red Bull will be extremely far in front of McLaren.
- The Ferrari will continue to be bulletproof. Shame that it will also run like it's covered in kevlar.
- Lotus (the green one) will run too slow to be in the midfield, but faster than Virgin and Hispania. This position in the field will be dubbed "The Lotus Position"
- Eddie Jordan will make the mistake of wearing another dark shirt.
There we have it for another week. As always, all the Badgers will be glued to the BBC coverage Sunday morning to see exactly what is going happen when the five red lights go off. Can you add to any of our thoughts?
Comments and Discussion
I think that the prancing horse will be right on the tail of the raging bull & maybe even gallop ahead of them this weekend & Michael could be the surprise package this weekend.
Sounds great but I'll believe it when I see it!
- jake humphrey will open and/or close his presenting with the phrase "can anyone stop red bull dominating"
- everyone will overuse the phrase 'dominating'
- no one will utter the phrase 'kinky as a badger'
-mclaren, buoyed by their aus performance, will soon realise their car is only as fast as a tortoise with a hangover at every other track...
- ferrari will introduce a new front tow-rope system which they will attach to the red bull at the start of the race. massa will use it on alonso.
- coulthard will not get excited. brundle will try to sound excited. bizarrely it will work.
- hispania will describe malaysia as a 'cool spot'. sales of 7up and vintage sega consoles will inexplicably rise. they will still be poor.
Force India will take 6th and 7th places and be mentioned once by the commentary team, but only because of a mistaken identity!
Considering i got everything else wrong for Australia, i'll stick with the only one i got right:
Both Williams' will retire again with gearbox/transmission problems.
Craig, the Lotus position and a pair of plums - top work.
Do you have no faith in Sam's tight rear end? That was just a blip and with all the rain that's going to fall I predict a better than average race for Rubens.
The only thing apart from rain that's guaranteed this weekend is a lot of comedy talk from HRT (it's started already) on how they can not only qualify but also get ahead of Virgin and Team Lotus (the green one).
HRT won't qualify. The Ferrari's will crash. The McLaren will be closer to the Red Bull before the Red Bull's crashing into each other or messing up the pit stops. Then Hamilton and Button will come past with Lewis taking it by being the superior driver.
Could the Hispania sponsor areas be the "coolest" spots on the Malaysian grid perhaps?
Thanks, I do try!
I'm trying to cut back on talking about the packaging of the rear of the Williams. It's starting to become my calling card...
Force India- Podium finish. HRT won't race due to 107%.
Ferrari will be the closest to redbull (sadly for me)
Contrary to what benson says the race will not end in dark conditions because it won't go full distance! unless he's talking about cloud cover
The sauber cars will finish bettween 11th and 7th! behind only the biggest teams and possibily one Rubino!
Kobayashi will beat perez!
All of the above will almost deffinetly not happen because i have said they will.
see what i did there? covering my bases.
HRT will impress with a brief glimmer of light before blowing a fuse and failing to qualify.
Petrov's head will have swollen to twice the perimiter of his tires which will fail spectacuarly in the first few laps.
Hamilton will be up Vettel's exhaust for 99% of the race before trying to overtake, hitting Vettels rear tire and spinning out. Hamilton will then throw his stearing wheel at the ground and stomp back to his garage with his helmet on. Vettel will be unaffected and understandably smug when questioned.
Sauber will be fantastically dull and finish out of the points.
Williams and Virgin will go unnoticed by everyone. even their own pit crews, who will forget to prepare for a tire change.
Webber will be unimpressive, but still unrealisticly happy and optimistic for the future.
Jake Humphrey won't shut up about 'Vettel's impressive lead after the first race' until he crashes, at which point it will be 'Vettel's championship at threat'.