London, Monday: Formula One team bosses are taking advantage of a new scheme that allows teams to send in their unwanted F1 drivers and receive in return a cheque for their value.

Sold: Unwanted F1 driver Nelson Piquet
Sold: Unwanted F1 driver Nelson Piquet

Postal Drivers, a newly-established company set to take maximum advantage from the global recession, requests that team bosses hunt around their factories for unwanted or forgotten drivers. These drivers are then sent to the company in the post, who value them and send the teams the money that they are worth.

A delighted Bob Bell, Renault team principal, related his experience with the company: “We had an old unwanted Nelson Piquet hanging around the factory, making a nuisance of himself by offering to push filing cabinets over or smash windows on purpose if we’d continue to employ him.

“So we sent him off to Postal Drivers, and within 24 hours they had sent out a cheque for £47.50. Frankly I think that’s a bit more than Nelsinho was worth, so I think we’re onto a winner with this one.”

Postal Drivers insist that if a team is unhappy with the amount that they receive, they can return the cheque within a week and the driver will be immediately sent back. But Bell thinks this is unlikely to happen: “The prices seem very fair,” he explained. “Already we’re thinking about sending in Romain Grosjean to see how much we can get for him.”

Not every story is one of success, however: Ferrari report that they attempted to send in Luca Badoer after his disastrous two Grands Prix for the team, but had him returned on the grounds that high-tech Postal Drivers analysis had revealed that he was “not a driver.” “Although, that does explain rather a lot,” said Ferrari team principal Stefano Domenicali.

Ferrari are also said to be evaluating the possibility of sending Kimi Raikkonen to the company, though they are currently struggling to find an envelope big enough to fit all of the ice cream.