Badger’s satirical look at recent goings on in F1 is back!
1. Have the drivers issued a letter about the state of F1?
Unconfirmed reports arose about some kind of negative letter claiming to be from drivers circulated around social media. We’ve never seen such letter, and if it exists we can only assume it came from jealous drivers in WEC or washed up old F1 drivers in Formula E. Either that, or Max Verstappen had produced a crayoned drawing of Bernie with self-derogatory comments in a speech bubble, after his detention for saying rude words over the radio. Expect to see him staying in the stewards room for extra lines at the next race.
Also, as we head to the land of free speech for the Bahrain GP, let’s reflect on how lucky we are to be in a sport where everyone is free to speak their mind, without fear of having media access cut off, or any favours!
We’re delighted to announce a new extended deal that allows us media accreditation for testing events for the next eleventy billion years for F1! Here at Badger GP we’re proud of our unbiased, free reporting where we represent the fans, as fans, on all the major issues of the sport. We’re also super impressed that the F1 management believe that true, transparent fan engagement is such an important aspect of our sport. Well done guys!
2. F1 Shareholders slam fans over qualifying debacle
F1 shareholders were incandescent over fans reaction to the new qualifying format piloted in Melbourne, written on the back of a cigarette packet. One shares trader, from behind 8 screens of multicoloured graphs, told us “I just don’t get it! How can those responsible for watching the sport and making us money, be so negative and stupid? It’s not rocket science guys! We just want to see the best sport win, make us lots of money, and that sport to be F1. After all, this is what shareholder pay to see, and get paid more back!!! Imbeciles….”
Another conceded that fan groups and broadcasters, needed to be reigned in more tightly. “Obviously we’ve given them the party line that F1 is broken and needs fixing, they’ve parroted that since the Schumacher dominance era and that’s great, because it keeps people on their toes. Bernie rattles everyone’s cages, stuff happens, we make more money. But for them to publicly ridicule such a cool knockout idea we came up with after too much Mumms champagne last weekend, that’s going too far! In fact it’s time some of their passes were reviewed…”.
3. Hamilton to branch out
Lewis Hamilton is reportedly getting slightly bored with his hobbies of making music, fashion, instagram, Harry Potter role play and jumping on safety cars. Those things, plus winning an F1 world championship this year just aren’t challenging enough from the Stevenage raised superstar, so is considering several new side careers.
Standup comedy: to refine poking fun at Nico when he humiliates him yet again in a race. Languages: because he still doesn’t understand a word his boss says after 3 years, and it means Nico can’t look smarter than him in front of the press conferences. Crosswords: something to do in the car whilst comfortably out in front. Morris dancing: (ok ok, we made the last one up…but you tell us how he’s going to keep himself occupied this year, because we’re stumped!).
4. New rules for helmet strips
The rule that everyone has been crying out for (probably) was announced, the much needed banning of tear off strips being littered onto the circuit. Unfortunately though, even this benign “plucked out the air” much needed rule couldn’t be organised alongside drinking sessions in a brewery, as it’s been parked for a few races whilst F1 boffins go back to running hours of tear-off to ground race simulations.
Honda are carefully studying their own simulations, to understand how the effect of tear-offs getting sucked into their engine intakes could improve engine performance, because right now anything is worth a shot…
5. Gene Haas thanks Alonso
Beaming American Gene Haas was spotted behind the McLaren garage thanking Alonso for some rare TV coverage this weekend, as apparently the American team did indeed race Melbourne.
They have to be commended on their and Ferrari’s efforts, as a fantastic debut for a brand new team – so much so that Romain Grosjean’s wider than normal grin needed an extra wide camera filter to capture. However the only way you (and Grosjean) would know where they finished is if you looked at the timing screens. Despite still not agreeing a commercial deal with the sport, the TV coverage is actually completely randomly allocated, as Mercedes will testify to (depending on how their relationship with Bernie is these days).
Stunning that Alonso was out of this car within seconds. pic.twitter.com/kF71IEqWoT
— Fantasy GP (@Fantasy_GP) March 20, 2016
6. And finally…(sensible post warning)
We like to (on the rare occasion) give the people who run the sport a good kicking where we feel it’s fair, as this is a site driven by fans who love the sport. However, we never want be caught jumping on any press bandwagons, only the Badger bandwagon, so we also strongly feel it appropriate to give credit where it’s due: Giving teams the choice of tyres in advance, so some can try something a bit risky but potentially more rewarding…rather than dictating a mandatory supposed level playing field to engineer good racing.
It does sound rather like relaxing some of the rules and letting teams flex their ingenuity, doesn’t it? It could catch on! Great idea relaxing of the rules… more of the same please!
Roll on Bahrain…