FIA Answers Question No-one Asked

Several years after a flurry of condemnations from fans and commentators that drivers were changing helmets far too often, the FIA has brought in a ban limiting drivers to one helmet design a year, just as the idea of creating designs for charitable causes started to catch on.

It is envisaged however, the FIA will have to make several modifications to this rule involving even more ill thought out complications and amendments, allowing helmet design change “tokens” awarded based on various criteria.

These are understood to include, but not be limited to, quantity of half moons in any given 3-and-a-third months (subtracting the grams of facial hair for the driver), allowing a further five HDC tokens per selfie with Bernie posted to Instagram, and including a loss of 406 tokens for every use of the phrase “for sure”.

It is also understood that these rules will probably be scraped and replaced by the time this article is half written.

McLaren Look To Emulate Red Bull

To McLaren Honda news, and we really couldn’t think of anything we could possibly write that was more laughable than the current situation. We do however have it on authority, that aside from taking Peter Prodromou and his front wing from Red Bull, it turns out Ron Dennis also asked the team to copy the recent Red Bull philosophy of running a little mileage as possible and having a completely catastrophic winter test, in order to somehow guarantee race victories in the season.

It’s not clear if Jenson Button is aware of the ploy, or just so well used to seasons of underwhelming disappointment in his career that he’s just not that bothered.

Alonso Resorting To Gamesmanship?

We obviously wish Alonso well in his recovery, and we’re delighted his thumbs are making a full recovery if nothing else, as he’s keen to show off at every opportunity in a hospital gown. The Spaniard – though ruthless in and out of the cockpit – is well known for tenaciously dragging a slow car around a track in an impossible time.

If our theory is correct, then his creativity also has to be applauded as smashing the the inside wall at turn 3, seems to us was not a mistake or a gust of wind, but a deliberate effort to improve the McLaren, which was certainly worth a shot.

Lotus Sign A Stunner (Of An Engine)

Some breaking Lotus news now; with graceful flowing blond hair, slim figure, pretty looks and a cute smile that would melt butter, Romain Grosjean is optimistic for the year ahead, despite the team hiring a Spanish test driver from GP3 with no noticeable success after 3 years.

After last years dismal season, with Romain’s repeated demands to “blow dee ingeen!”, the comedy front nose built during a drunken team building exercise by the social media team, and the hiring of Pastor Maldonado, the Enstone team have put their serious hats on and swapped their Renault power unit for something that actually works, and seem to have built a half decent car.

This isn’t too surprising, as throughout their history the considerably talented team in various guises has worked itself up and down the grid many times, probably whenever they fancied a change of grid slots.