We know about the infamous messages between Nico and his Engineer at the weekend, but what you may not know is the entire story. Fortunately, our mole has been digging into the Brackley tape archives.

Rosberg: “Gearbox problem.”

Engineer: “Driver default 1-0-1, chassis default 0-1, chassis default 0-1.”

Engineer: “Avoid seventh gear, Nico, avoid seventh gear.”

Rosberg: “What does that mean, I have to shift through it?”

Engineer: “Affirm Nico, you need to shift through it. Affirm, you need to shift through it.”

Rosberg: “Warning message! It shows self destruct initiated with a timer…?”

Engineer: “Double click on abort Nico, double click on abort.”

Rosberg: “Steering wheel problem! I can’t see the gear number in this light?”

Engineer: “Nico, you need to go to desktop background ORANGE 7, for a nice contrasting display of kittens playing with wool.”

Rosberg: “My drink tastes a bit flat, can we do anything about it?”

Engineer: “Nico, you need to go to GREEN MIX 4, it will give you a nice blend of Mojito with ice.”

Rosberg: “Are there any places I can take Vivian shopping tomorrow?”

Engineer: “Nico, Milton Keynes is the closest and has some decent variety, but it’s a bit scabby in places. We’d recommend you go to Westfield in London.”

Rosberg: “But won’t the traffic be really bad on a weekday in London?”

Engineer: “Affirm Nico, we’d also recommend Bluewater in Kent, to avoid the city.”

Rosberg: “Brakes! Are my brakes ok….? The pedal is really long!”

Engineer: “Sorry Nico, I’m afraid we’re not allowed to tell you…”

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