Gloucester, Wednesday: Following Bernie Ecclestone’s comments last week about his admiration for German dictator Adolf Hitler, a medium operating in a small Cotswold town has claimed to have spoken to the deceased tyrant, who is unimpressed by the F1 supremo.
Joan Shovelface, who offers “fortune telling, contact with lost loved ones and intimate massage” from her headquarters in Stow-on-the-Wold, told local journalists that she had contacted Hitler’s soul and asked him if he reciprocated Ecclestone’s apparent respect.
“The response was extremely negative,” Ms. Shovelface explained. “Mr. Hitler said that he thought that Bernie was a dwarfish, money-grabbing excuse for an Untermensch, and that he wouldn’t have lasted five minutes in the dog-eat-dog world of Europe between the wars. He also said that I should say hello to Max, whatever that means.”
Hitler did, however, express tentative approval of Ecclestone’s policy of expanding the frontiers of Formula One to faraway lands like China and Singapore. “He said that such expansionism is very much in keeping with his own principles, though he was frustrated with how Bernie was building his race tracks in uninhabited farmland rather than in the middle of previously thriving ethnic minority communities,” Ms. Shovelface said.
Ecclestone was said to be unmoved by Hitler’s comments, but they have attracted outrage in other quarters. Some have even questioned whether Ms. Shovelface should have been contacting the Nazi leader in the first place: “It’s a disgrace,” said Reginald Scrotum, Conservative MP for Ms. Shovelface’s Cotswold constituency of Bigotry and Shouting. “Communicating with dead war criminals should never be encouraged, it’s a highly dangerous practice and is tantamount to treason. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up!”
Repeated attempts to reestablish contact with Hitler by Ms. Shovelface have failed, though she did have the foresight to question him on his opinions of the current state of Formula One: “He said he was more of a NASCAR fan,” the medium reported.