With our judicial correspondent Max Hysteria
The mood is tense at the FIA headquarters here in Paris, as the Elders of the World Motor Sport Council prepare to hand down judgement on one of the most anticipated cases to have passed through the courts in many years.
Goody Domenicali of Ferrari stands accused of “using witchcraft and sorcery to interfere with the result of a Grand Prix.” These charges of godless heresy are extremely serious, such activities having been expressly banned for the best part of a decade.
Proceedings opened early this morning, with the accused taking to the dock amid a nervous babble from the gathered crowds. The prosecution opened with a damning question, “Is it not true that you, Goody Domenicali, are in league with the Devil himself?”
Goody Domenicali denied the allegations, reminding the Court that the person in question “retired last November.”
The Court was disappointed to learn that an accomplice, Goody Massa, will not be attending in person. Upon hearing this the Elders instructed that a ducking stool, hastily assembled on the banks of the Seine, be dismantled.
Also absent today is Goody Alonso, who has escaped numerous similar trials in the past without punishment, usually in exchange for implicating others. Goody Alonso was instrumental in the exile of Goody Briatore last year, who was convicted of conjuring a Grand Prix victory in exchange for the soul of a young, quickly forgotten driver.
Despite the efforts of Goody Domenicali, it appears that there is a long way to go to convince the Court of innocence. The bonfire being constructed in the Place de la Concorde this afternoon suggests that the Court’s traditional approach to justice – that of “guilty until proven flammable” – shows no sign of being abandoned.