Brackley, Monday: F1 world championship leaders Brawn GP have admitted that their driver choice for next year will be hinged on several factors, including the amount of moaning that the team’s factory can withstand.

Whiny: F1 team Brawn GP
Whiny: F1 team Brawn GP

“Unfortunately the soil around our team’s headquarters is quite soft, not really the best foundation for basing a Grand Prix team,” a Brawn spokesman said today. “Therefore we have to consider the possibility that excessive moaning from our drivers could present severe structural problems in the team’s factory. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that the architect designed a building around which high-pitched noises of indignation reverberate with unusual vigour, making it imperative that we choose our drivers carefully.”

Current Brawn GP drivers Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello are both known for their propensity to whinge loudly when things aren’t going their way, and with champion complainer Nico Rosberg set to join the team in 2010, Brawn are said to be worried about the moaning potential of the driver lineup next year. Button’s recent tantrums over his “meagre” salary of seven and a half million pounds are said to have already collapsed some of the factory’s outbuildings.

“We do have to be extremely careful, and it is a problem we are looking into,” team principal Ross Brawn guardedly said at the Singapore Grand Prix this weekend. “Unfortunately the factory’s moaning capacity was compromised earlier this month when a tour bus full of McLaren fans came to visit. So it is an ongoing concern.”

Brawn’s final decision on their 2010 driver lineup may not be made until after the season has finished. “We have some essential maintenance to do until then,” Brawn confessed.

“I understand the problems, but I wish they’d get on with it and make up their minds,” Button said at the factory today, accompanied by a mysterious creaking sound underneath him.