Milton Keynes, Friday: The Red Bull Racing Formula One team have announced this week that they will be attaching an expanded creche facility to their Red Bull Energy Station (read: “team motorhome”) in preparation for the 2009 season, in order to reflect Sebastian Vettel’s elevated status within the team.

The Red Bull Energy Station
Roomy: The Red Bull Energy Station

The new creche, dubbed the “Red Bull Ultra-Hyper Super Infant Energy Occupation Station” is designed by top Red Bull technician Geoff Willis, and is intended to occupy Vettel during the long journeys to racetracks throughout the season. Details have yet to be released to the public, but early indications suggest that the facility will include a ball pit, a slide and several squeaky things, although it is being reported that James Allen has been turned down after applying for a job as one of the latter.

Vettel, 6 months, who won his first Grand Prix for Scuderia Toro Rosso in Italy in September, suffered at times last season from inconsistency, which the team put down to a lack of concentration brought about by a shortage of mind-focusing activities in the build-up to the races. “When a youngster like Sebastian isn’t nurtured properly,” said Red Bull’s owner Dietrich Mateschitz, “everyone suffers. If we’d wanted screaming tantrums every race weekend, we’d have hired Fernando Alonso like everyone said we should have.”

Reports that, in order to make room for the new facility, Toro Rosso driver Sebastien Bourdais will now have to sleep in a cupboard on race weekends have yet to be confirmed.