Beijing, Wednesday: Rival teams in the Race of Champions’ Nations Cup have publicly complained that the victorious Team Germany had an unfair advantage in the competition after drivers Michael Schumacher and Sebastian Vettel were allowed to use different equipment to the other teams.

Unfair? The Race of Champions venue
Unfair? The Race of Champions venue

The competition, which took place yesterday in the Birds’ Nest stadium in Beijing, saw Schumacher and Vettel beat Team GB’s Andy Priaulx and Jenson Button in the final to claim the Nations Cup for the third year running. However, the British team are not going to take defeat lying down, having expressed concern that Schumacher, 112, was allowed to race on his mobility scooter and Vettel, 8 weeks, swapped the standard Race of Champions cars for his pram.

“This is ridiculous,” Button whined after the competition. “The whole point of the Race of Champions is to pit drivers against one another in equal equipment. We don’t know how powerful that scooter was. Or the pram. It’s all totally unfair.”

Schumacher, however, dismissed the complaints. “It’s all just a bit of fun,” he reminded the audience. “And besides, my joints aren’t what they used to be and those big heavy cars are just too fiddly nowadays. I’d far rather sacrifice a few horsepower for the comfort and convenience of my old scooter,” he said, patting the machine proprietorially.

Vettel blew a raspberry as a way of reinforcing his teammate’s comments.

Button, however, remained incensed, and was not finished shouting irrationally at anybody who would listen. “And what the hell is David Coulthard doing here?” he fumed. “This is the Race of Champions, not the Race of Nearly-Men!”