Donington, Sunday: New British Grand Prix venue Donington Park has controversially announced today that low-budget airline RyanAir has won a contract for the circuit’s revolutionary “customer experience programme” when the first British GP at the revamped circuit takes place in June 2010.

Experienced: New customer liaisons RyanAir
Experienced: New customer liaisons RyanAir

Donington CEO Simon Gillett explained, “We have had a number of offers for the opportunity to run this programme when the British Grand Prix comes to Donington, but in the end we had to conclude that the best offer came from RyanAir. The airline will now be responsible for coordinating the facilities designed to improve the experience of the spectators who come to watch the race here.”

Rumour has it that tickets for the race will be very low in price, though these low-cost options will only buy you a deck chair somewhere in Leicestershire and access to a grainy television screen. For the chance to actually enter the circuit where you can hear (and possibly see) the cars, a surcharge will have to be paid.

Further charges will be made for actually being allowed to sit down on the shuttle buses that ferry spectators from the car parks to the circuit itself and for access to toilets and restaurants. Donington will accept no responsibility if the start of the race is delayed or if traffic problems cause you to miss the race entirely. Ticket prices will inflate rapidly as the event approaches and cannot be refunded. Furthermore, to prevent touting, tickets will be registered to a person by name and cannot be transferred (unless a surcharge is paid).

“We’re looking forward to fleecing welcoming everyone to Donington in the near future,” Gillett said. “We trust that our association with RyanAir will only make the whole British Grand Prix experience more satisfying and enjoyable.”

Reports that the newly contracted outfit has already blotted its copybook by losing some of the cars from the car park where circuit construction workers leave their vehicles have yet to be confirmed.