Charlotte, Thursday: New Formula One team USF1 have announced that they are planning to abandon conventional methods of car development in bringing together their 2010 car, in order to pursue alternative technologies.
Virgin Racing, formerly known as Manor Motorsport, raised eyebrows in F1 when they declared that they were not going to use a wind tunnel to develop their car, instead doing all of the development work with a computational fluid dynamics (CFD) simulator. Other teams use a combination of wind tunnels and CFD to complete their designs.
USF1, however, has gone one step further by declaring it will use neither wind tunnels nor CFD, instead relying on “magic” to get their team in order before the opening round of the season next year.
“We have considered our options and believe that this is the best solution available to us,” team principal Ken Anderson told the press. “Magic is a promising and under-used development tool in Formula One, and we plan to use it to its fullest extent.”
The last person to attempt to use magic in a Formula One effort was Dave Richards, who attempted to get Prodrive into F1 in 2008 by shunning traditional methods of car construction. Instead, he sat in his office and concentrated very hard on wishing for a car to spontaneously appear in his factory. The attempt failed.
Anderson, however, is optimistic that his team’s approach will be a success: “We have already contacted some of the best stage magicians and shifty-looking mystics in both of the Carolinas,” he revealed. “So far we’ve succeeded in hypnotising Nick Craw and making millions of dollars disappear. The next step is to start producing bits of the car.”
Early reports had suggested that USF1 magicians had succeeded in turning the FIA president into a toad, but this was dismissed on account of there being no recognisable difference.