Milton Keynes, Wednesday: Red Bull Racing driver Mark Webber has taken out insurance on his middle fingers, as part of a comprehensive life and accident insurance plan designed to safeguard his career as a racing driver.
The news comes just days after Fernando Alonso revealed that his thumbs had been insured for €10 million by Spanish bank Santander, in a move which had absolutely nothing to do with the one-year sponsorship deal announced at the same time between the driver and the bank’s insurance group.
According to the Red Bull team, Webber’s middle fingers, now covered for “several million” pounds, are “an essential part of his motor racing repertoire,” as they allow the Australian to express his opinions of his fellow drivers, without having to go through all the tedious business of swearing on live television.
“The diverse range of functions performed by Mark’s middle fingers mean that it is essential these assets are protected,” a Red Bull spokesman stated earlier today. “Not only do they allow him to express displeasure in an efficient manner, but they are also extremely useful for signalling what position he has finished in, behind Sebastian Vettel.”
The fad of Formula One figures insuring unusual body parts is set to catch on further, though so far no company has been willing to cover Eddie Jordan’s tongue, due to its high risk of damage incurred by overuse.