Magic beans. Yes, it’s definitely got to be magic beans. What else can explain Vettel’s half a minute lead over 2nd place man Webber as he crossed the finish line to take the win?

Credit: Red Bull Racing Media
Credit: Red Bull Racing Media

The car in front is a Red Bull

Today’s Abu Dhabi grand prix was the sort of race where you absolutely do not envy the commentators. Sky commentator David Croft has never talked so slowly and with such a low pitch in his life.

Fan favourite Raikkonen was out on first lap, depriving the viewing public of what was hopefully going to be an exciting charge through the field AND some flamboyant team radio messages. Pole sitter Mark Webber had a so-so start off the grid but there was no stopping Vettel as he overtook his teammate almost straight away and then, well, just stayed there for the remainder of the race.

There was some “excitement” when the FOM graphics died repeatedly during the race. Eventful!

At the mid point of the race Massa made an advantageous move on Hamilton (who was busy dealing with Sutil). 8th place doesn’t really reflect what seemed to be a strong race for the Brazilian driver.

Perez did a good job of avoiding Hulkenberg in the pit lane as the Sauber team released their driver right into Perez’s path (cue a drive through penalty for Hulkenberg).

Vettel's celebratory Abu Dhabi doughnut
Vettel’s celebratory Abu Dhabi doughnut

Sparkling grape juice. Yum 

This is a moan free zone because, wait for it … it was actually a GOOD day for Paul di Resta as he took 6th place for Force India and called it an “awesome result”.

Button had yet another race to forget in 2013 after a first lap incident forced him into an early pit stop for a new front wing.

Vettel was certainly not resting on any laurels today – he was faultless and rightly celebrated with some doughnuts for the fans. Red Bull orchestrated a masterful 1-2 and Nico Rosberg completed the podium line-up.

“It was a bit boring to be honest”. You said it, Hamilton.

Results

Pos No Driver Team Laps Time Grid Pts
1 1 Sebastian Vettel Red Bull Racing-Renault 55 Winner 2 25
2 2 Mark Webber Red Bull Racing-Renault 55 +30.8 secs 1 18
3 9 Nico Rosberg Mercedes 55 +33.6 secs 3 15
4 8 Romain Grosjean Lotus-Renault 55 +34.8 secs 6 12
5 3 Fernando Alonso Ferrari 55 +67.1 secs 10 10
6 14 Paul di Resta Force India-Mercedes 55 +78.1 secs 11 8
7 10 Lewis Hamilton Mercedes 55 +79.2 secs 4 6
8 4 Felipe Massa Ferrari 55 +82.8 secs 7 4
9 6 Sergio Perez McLaren-Mercedes 55 +91.1 secs 8 2
10 15 Adrian Sutil Force India-Mercedes 55 +93.2 secs 17 1
11 16 Pastor Maldonado Williams-Renault 55 +95.9 secs 14
12 5 Jenson Button McLaren-Mercedes 55 + secs 12
13 12 Esteban Gutierrez Sauber-Ferrari 55 + secs 16
14 11 Nico Hulkenberg Sauber-Ferrari 54 +1 Lap 5
15 17 Valtteri Bottas Williams-Renault 54 +1 Lap 15
16 19 Daniel Ricciardo STR-Ferrari 54 +1 Lap 9
17 18 Jean-Eric Vergne STR-Ferrari 54 +1 Lap 13
18 21 Giedo van der Garde Caterham-Renault 54 +1 Lap 18
19 20 Charles Pic Caterham-Renault 54 +1 Lap 19
20 22 Jules Bianchi Marussia-Cosworth 53 +2 Laps 21
21 23 Max Chilton Marussia-Cosworth 53 +2 Laps 20
Ret 7 Kimi Räikkönen Lotus-Renault 0 Accident 22