Magic beans. Yes, it’s definitely got to be magic beans. What else can explain Vettel’s half a minute lead over 2nd place man Webber as he crossed the finish line to take the win?

Credit: Red Bull Racing Media
Credit: Red Bull Racing Media

The car in front is a Red Bull

Today’s Abu Dhabi grand prix was the sort of race where you absolutely do not envy the commentators. Sky commentator David Croft has never talked so slowly and with such a low pitch in his life.

Fan favourite Raikkonen was out on first lap, depriving the viewing public of what was hopefully going to be an exciting charge through the field AND some flamboyant team radio messages. Pole sitter Mark Webber had a so-so start off the grid but there was no stopping Vettel as he overtook his teammate almost straight away and then, well, just stayed there for the remainder of the race.

There was some “excitement” when the FOM graphics died repeatedly during the race. Eventful!

At the mid point of the race Massa made an advantageous move on Hamilton (who was busy dealing with Sutil). 8th place doesn’t really reflect what seemed to be a strong race for the Brazilian driver.

Perez did a good job of avoiding Hulkenberg in the pit lane as the Sauber team released their driver right into Perez’s path (cue a drive through penalty for Hulkenberg).

Vettel's celebratory Abu Dhabi doughnut
Vettel’s celebratory Abu Dhabi doughnut

Sparkling grape juice. Yum 

This is a moan free zone because, wait for it … it was actually a GOOD day for Paul di Resta as he took 6th place for Force India and called it an “awesome result”.

Button had yet another race to forget in 2013 after a first lap incident forced him into an early pit stop for a new front wing.

Vettel was certainly not resting on any laurels today – he was faultless and rightly celebrated with some doughnuts for the fans. Red Bull orchestrated a masterful 1-2 and Nico Rosberg completed the podium line-up.

“It was a bit boring to be honest”. You said it, Hamilton.

Results

PosNoDriverTeamLapsTimeGridPts
11Sebastian VettelRed Bull Racing-Renault55Winner225
22Mark WebberRed Bull Racing-Renault55+30.8 secs118
39Nico RosbergMercedes55+33.6 secs315
48Romain GrosjeanLotus-Renault55+34.8 secs612
53Fernando AlonsoFerrari55+67.1 secs1010
614Paul di RestaForce India-Mercedes55+78.1 secs118
710Lewis HamiltonMercedes55+79.2 secs46
84Felipe MassaFerrari55+82.8 secs74
96Sergio PerezMcLaren-Mercedes55+91.1 secs82
1015Adrian SutilForce India-Mercedes55+93.2 secs171
1116Pastor MaldonadoWilliams-Renault55+95.9 secs14
125Jenson ButtonMcLaren-Mercedes55+ secs12
1312Esteban GutierrezSauber-Ferrari55+ secs16
1411Nico HulkenbergSauber-Ferrari54+1 Lap5
1517Valtteri BottasWilliams-Renault54+1 Lap15
1619Daniel RicciardoSTR-Ferrari54+1 Lap9
1718Jean-Eric VergneSTR-Ferrari54+1 Lap13
1821Giedo van der GardeCaterham-Renault54+1 Lap18
1920Charles PicCaterham-Renault54+1 Lap19
2022Jules BianchiMarussia-Cosworth53+2 Laps21
2123Max ChiltonMarussia-Cosworth53+2 Laps20
Ret7Kimi RäikkönenLotus-Renault0Accident22